Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
