i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
