hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
