We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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