So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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