Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
