one might say we're banned from that church
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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