I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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