True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize