i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
