How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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