I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
