I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
