my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
