I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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