She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
