It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
look no pants
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
