matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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