hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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