As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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