Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Vodka?
Forever.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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