I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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