he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
