he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
