she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
