dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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