SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
