He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
