I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
