she woke up with a sticky ear
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
