This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
