woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
