I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
