butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
