My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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