Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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