wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
