i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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