Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
