I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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