Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
