can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
