I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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