I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
