i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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