yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
