I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
