Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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