i think my tv is drunk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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