if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
