Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
