as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
