hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
