I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
