I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
