He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
