Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
