Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
