I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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