Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
