I think scott just propositioned me for sex
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
