How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
