I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
