White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
