I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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