She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
