I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
