Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
